Humanity of the Hebrew Bible
(Genesis:3:12-13) "The woman ... gave me of the tree.... The serpent beguiled me." Adam blames Eve and Eve blames the serpent. Cherchez la femme in antiquity.
(Genesis:4:1) "And Adam knew his wife; and she conceived." This is the first sexual intercourse mentioned in the Hebrew Bible. Which produced a baby boy of course.
(Genesis:4:3-5) "And the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering." YHWH likes Abel's dead animals better than Cain's fruits and vegetables. Why? Well, no reason is given, but it probably has something to do with the amount of pain, blood, and gore involved. Does YHWH desire animal sacrifices? Does YHWH respect anyone? Why create animosity? Lead us not into temptation!
(Genesis:4:17) "And Cain knew his wife." That's nice, but where did she come from? The first of the many biblical anonymous women
(Genesis:4:18) "And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech." How? By more anonymous women or parthenogenesis?
(Genesis:4:19) "And Lamech took him two wives." Lamech is the first of a long line of biblical men with more than one wife. Is polygamy OK? Of course, they bear children.
(Genesis:4:22) "... and the sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah." Naamah is the fourth named woman in the Hebrew Bible. Strangely, she is a sister not a daughter.
(Genesis:4:23-24) Lamech kills a man. Where did this anonymous guy come from and why was he murdered?
(Genesis:4:25) "And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son" Of course she bare. Testosterone on steroids for all the biblical men.
(Genesis:4:26) "And to Seth ... was born a son." Where did he find his wife? Another biblical anonymous woman and another male child.
(Genesis:5:4) "And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:" Finally, sometime in the next 800 years, Adam begat some daughters. These anonymous women are the first girls to be born in the Hebrew Bible. After this, a few other biblical male named characters start having sons and daughters but where did all the other anonymous women, Adah and Zillah come from then?
(Genesis:5:32) "And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth." Three sons in one year? Triplets by one anonymous wife or by two or three anonymous wives?
- Genesis:10:28) "And Obal, and Abimael, and Sheba,"
- (Genesis:10:29) And Ophir, and Havilah, and Jobab: all these were the sons of Joktan."
- (Genesis:11:4 "And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth."
- (Genesis:11:5) "And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded."
- (Genesis:11:6) "And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do."
- (Genesis:11:7) "Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech."
(Genesis:11:9) "Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth." As for the confounding of languages, see Genesis10:20, Genesis10:31 and Genesis11:1. Given the many biblical absurdities, contradictions, inconsistencies and dubious spellings was the writing of the Hebrew Bible outsourced?
- (Genesis:12:11) "And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:
- (Genesis:12:12) Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.
- (Genesis:12:13) Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee."
- (Genesis:13:14) "And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:"
- (Genesis:13:15) For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever."
- (Genesis:17:10) "This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised."
- (Genesis:17:12) And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed."
(Genesis:26:4) "And I will make thy seed to multiply as the stars of heaven." Mercifully this never happened or one earth would not suffice.
(Genesis:26:7-11) "And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon." Here we go again, echoes Genesis:12:11-20 of Abraham's selfsame conduct by Isaac: pimping and lying. Does YHWH approve of lying, pimping and prostitution?
(Genesis:30) Jacob, Leah, Rachel, Bilhah and Zilpah. Sex and more sex. Promiscuity, polygamy, adultery and children always children (usually male) on every "go into (a vagina)".
(Genesis:34:1) And Dinah the daughter of Leah... Jewish tolerance and brotherly love.
(Genesis:35:22) "And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine: and Israel heard it." May and December sex?
(Genesis:37:3) "Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children" Why does YHWH always create animosity between siblings? See also Genesis:4:3-5.
(Genesis:38:9-10) "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also." Sex all in the family again, why do we have to know unless the Hebrew Bible is teaching coitus interruptus?
(Genesis:39:7) "And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me" Potiphar's wife, another biblical "bad" anonymous woman.
(Genesis:39:12) "And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out." Illicit sex again. Echoes of Phaedra, the wife of Theseus and her stepson Hippolytus.
(Exodus:17:16) "For he said, Because the LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation." A god on a perpetual warpath?
(Exodus:19:21) "And the LORD said unto Moses, Go down, charge the people, lest they break through unto the LORD to gaze, and many of them perish." This is really a comic moment. Israel’s children cannot look at their god without being incinerated! An all-powerful god that does not know how to be less toxic! Were Moses, Abraham and all the others that gazed upon YHWH wearing 3-D glasses then?
- Exodus:20:1: "And God spake all these words, saying,"
- Exodus:20:2: "I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage."
- Exodus:20:3: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
- Exodus:20:4: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:"
- Exodus:20:5: "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;"
- Exodus:20:6: "And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."
- Exodus:20:7: "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."
- Exodus:20:8: "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."
- Exodus:20:9: "Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:"
- Exodus:20:10: "But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:"
- Exodus:20:11: "For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it."
- Exodus:20:12: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."
- Exodus:20:13: "Thou shalt not kill."
- Exodus:20:14: "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
- Exodus:20:15: "Thou shalt not steal."
- Exodus:20:16: "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."
- Exodus:20:17: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."
Those commandments are nice but how many of them were broken in the Hebrew Bible?
Thou shalt not kill unless YHWH instructs you to or you are the shepherd David then you can kill 200 Philistines for their foreskins (1Samuel:18:27). (Are foreskins YHWH's obsession?)
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife unless you are the shepherd David then you can lust after Bathsheba (2Samuel:11:2).
Thou shalt not commit adultery unless you are Solomon with 700 wives and 300 concubines then you can fornicate with the visiting Queen of Sheba (1Kings:10:13).
Thou shalt not steal unless YHWH instructs you to and you are the Israelites stealing Canaan after an ethnic cleansing.
Etcetera. No list is complete without it.